#30 New Roman Times Album part 6: We Would Fight For Hippy Chix.


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Yesterdays post brought out quite a few Starbucks defenders.  Let me be clear. I enjoy starbucks coffee.  I make our Crew stop two or three times a day on tour at Starbucks,  or Peets or Caribou.  And in editing yesterdays post i made it less than clear i was talking about new albums or recordings.  If you are selling your new album or recording through starbucks it usually sucks.  Old stuff at least 20 or  30 years old tend to be a little better. i bought the Beatles re-issues there and i also have a great english/mod compilation from Starbucks.  But this only re-enforces my  point.  After 20 or 30 years the edginess of  something has worn off. .  Our cultural anti-bodies have come out and neutralized the threat. Even starbucks or at least Espresso “sold out”.   I remember when we used to tour in the 80’s CVB  had to plan where to stop to get a latte. Going from DC to Nashville I-81 to I-40,  We knew  there was  little place in Harrisonburg VA off hte square,  next there was a place in Roanoke by the old market.,  but you had to wait till you got to the joint across from UT in Knoxville after that. And that was a long 4 1/2 hours.  Even in the early 90’s when Mark Linkous was crackers roadie, He would care a little suitcase with an espresso machine inside of it.  he’d set it up in the venue,  hotel even at a rest stop in Nebraska once.   A large thunderstorm that looked suspiciously like a tornado was bearing down on us, but we had to have our espresso.

17 Oath of the CVB (Hippy Chix)

Moving along.  Our protagonist has now successfully contacted the CVB. He is whisked away to Santa Cruz to be indoctrinated and screened by the CVB.  He meets Field Marshall Nine Mile Beach at Artisans Christmas annex on the pacific garden mall in Santa Cruz.  As it turns out Field Marshall Nine Mile beach is really just a Hologram.  “they’ve got this Alien technology he’s just a hologram”. For his own safety he is being projected into the room for the meeting.

Field Marshall Nine Mile Beach?   Well all the officers in The CVB use the names of famous Surfing spots on the California Coast.  Sometimes they are Surfing spots from parallel universes.  Something to do with the quantum encryption scheme  mentioned in part 3.

The highest ranking member of the CVB he meets in person here is Major Dogpatch San Onofre.  And he is pretty distracted trying to chat up the sales girls.

Regardless our protagonist takes the Oath of the CVB:

I would fight for hippy chix,

I would die for hippy chix,

I might stop and surf a bit but i would die for hippy chix,

I might stop and skate a bit, but i would die for hippy chix

After this he is lead into the basement where he meets a trio of Grey Aliens.  The three aliens inexplicably go by the names Hoyt Wilhelm,  Vida Blue and Catfish Hunter.  In their short time on Earth the Greys have become fascinated with baseball. They love it so much they’ll even listen to recorded broadcasts from the 1950s.  Since their real names are not pronounceable by humans, they all adopt english names.  Baseball pitchers are a favorite choice.

[E7] [G] [C] [A] [D]
[E7] [G] [C] [A] [D]
[E7] [G] [C] [A] [D]
[E7] [G] [C] [A] [D]

[E7] I see a winter scene in-[A7]-side a tiny plastic [E7] globe [A7]
[E7] Old European castles, [A7] a sinister Santa [E7] Claus
[C] The salesgirl’s really hot, [D] but I can’t talk to her right [E7] now.
[C] I’ve come to meet Field Marshall [D] 9-Mile Beach from the C. V. [E7] B.

[E7] I would die for [G] hippy chicks
[C] I would die for [A] hippy chicks [D]
I would fight for hippy chicks
I would die for hippy chicks
We might stop and surf a bit
But I would fight for hippy chicks
We might stop and skate a bit
But I would die for hippy chicks

9-Mile Beach he’s so crunchy wearing skater’s knitted caps
He takes my oath but doesn’t even seem to smile or laugh
They’ve got this alien technology he’s just a holograph
Projected next to me while TBI aims at my traitor ass

We would fight for hippy chicks
We would die for hippy chicks
We would fight for hippy chicks
We would die for hippy chicks
We might stop and surf a bit
But we would die for hippy chicks
We might stop and skate a bit
But we would die for hippy chicks

They bring the greys into the room, man I say this just ain’t for real, ah
True Christian Church of Texas teaches aliens are the devil (ha ha ha ha ha ha)
The greys they tell a different story of humanity upon the brink
Of ecological disaster they have come to save our ass-es

[B] [C] [G] [B] [C]
[B] [C] [G] [B] [C] [D]




18 Civil Disobedience

This song originally came from a solo album by Jonathan Segel Edgy Not Antsy.  So yet another song that was sort of finessed into the concept after the fact.  The lyrics explain the plot points well enough. The protagonist is grappling with the consequences of his betrayal of Texas.  This end has one of my favorite Camper Van Beethoven Guitar Solos.

Originally released on Jonathan Segel’s solo album “Edgy Not Antsy”. Vocal track changed to David Lowery, and additional guitar overdubbed.

[C] [G] [Bm]
[C] [G] [Bm]


[C] When they [G] come to your [Bm] home
[C] You know they’ll [G] never leave you a-[Bm]-lone
[C] You know [G] your on their [Bm] list
[C] I guess you [G] weren’t the one they [Bm] missed


Have you been doing something wrong?
Well I guess you’ve known that all along
So when they come to take you away
Are you gonna go with them on that day?

[G] Will you [D] know what to do?
[G] Will you [D] know what to do?
[G] Will you [D] do it?
[G] Will you [D] do what you know how to do?


When they come into your house
Are you gonna hide like a, like a little mouse
You know you’re in their file
But I guess you’ve known that for a while


There’s no room for folks like you
What can you say, what can you do?
So when they come to take you away
Are you gonna go with them on that day?





19 Discotheque CVB

It’s an instrumental so it’s about whatever we say it’s about.  Right?  The idea here is that after several years of being a double/triple  agent our protagonist is at a CVB retreat.  It’s a kind of a strategy session mixed with a party.  This is the end of the story.  The party ends with an explosion.  A suicide bomber has infiltrated the CVB.

The video is Camper Van Beethoven’s Manager Velena Vego (and my Girlfriend)  dancing to the song.  Anyone been to the old Luna Lounge on ludlow in manhattan? This is simply the camera feed of the stage that is shown in the bar.  We put the song on the PA and Velena got on the stage and danced to the song. I play the creepy guy that comes to the front of the stage and watches her dance.  Minimalist music video. Nothing happens for almost 2 minutes.

20 Hey Brother

Post Script. After the explosion.  The scene is in a TexIntelSecuriCorp  conference room.  An unnamed operative with aviator sunglasses and terrible mustache puts a disc into a video player.  Several executives  and a Northern Californian Army officer are gathered around a table..  It’s the suicide bombers tape.  He is saying his farewells and stating the purpose of his mission  Behind him is the yellow banner of a breakaway extremist mormon sect. Also next to the banner is a picture of the sects prophet Ezekial Weiland.  The implication is that TexIntelSecuriCorp has manipulated this young man into becoming a suicide bomber. The song is from the suicide bombers perspective. The second implication is that the Northern California Government has sold out the CVB.  The CVB had become too radical and anti-authoritarian for the power brokers in Sacramento.

I told you this wasn’t a happy ending.

Finally,  I hope none of our mormon friends and fans were offended by this last part.  I grew up in the Inland Empire with many mormons. I was in a mormon boy scout troop.  My wildest friends in high school were mormon kids gone feral.  Perfectly normal people.  Every religion and sect has it’s weirdos and extremists.  The reason that Mormonism is played up  in this story is simply because of the land. Most of the story takes place in Deseret.  Everyone knows the Spanish, Mexican  and American contributions to the development of the Southwest,  but the Mormon settlers also had a great and largely unheralded role. They bravely settled some of the harshest most remote terrain in the West.  In this story, (however backhanded)  I tried to give them their due.

Hey [G] brother, we’re on our [C] way
Hey [Am] sister, [C] we’re on our [G] way
Hey brother, don’t be afraid
Hey sister, we’re on our way

Cos if we [D] stay true to our course
And have [Em] faith, keep out of [C] court
We shall be re-[G]-warded [C] very [G] soon

For when we spite them with our swords
In the name of our just lord
We do bring glory a-to his name


Cos from this fire I am reborn
Like the phoenix of ancient Rome
I will be cleansed of all my sins

And on a spiral I will rise
As the flames reach to the sky
To sit forever, on the right hand of the lord.


Finally when we debuted songs from this album at SXSW in Austin Texas we covered La Zona Rosa with these Wanted Posters of the Members of Camper Van Beethoven.  Enjoy!

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38 Responses to “#30 New Roman Times Album part 6: We Would Fight For Hippy Chix.”

  1. paper street radio & archive Says:

    ok, I was under the impression that out protagonist became the suicide bomber…hmmm

  2. You really made me listen to the album over and over during the last few days. It’s great how you could write a story that is at the same time dead serious and deadly amusing.
    Well, till Campout!

  3. “Often has books, and may read them in the open.” Heehee!

  4. Brian Simger Says:

    This may seem inane or trite or stupid or whatever, but I’m going to say it anyway: As a non commenter on blogs to an almost compulsive extent, I really think this whole venture might very well be one of the greatest Rock-N-Roll documents ever created.

  5. Just wondering why you havn’t played “Hey Brother” live? Seems to be a good one for a Duo show or something.

  6. Tom Weber Says:

    How bout some love for Carl Hubbell, Mordeci “3 finger” Brown and Grover Cleveland “Pete” Alexander? All could throw the knuckle and all could have been from outer space – especially Hubbell who would later get a telescope named after him. (OK not really)

    My friends and I have declared this the ultimate campfire/camping album. Hey brother is when there’s just some hot red ash left in the fire ring.

    Always thought Hippy Chix would be a good visual song for a video. Is there one?

  7. Velena’s dancing is well worth the wait. Brava!

  8. Hey — isn’t it TexSecureIntelliCorp? Which would make me either a knowledgeable fan or a pedantic bastid. Your choice. For what it’s worth, I would fight for Hippychix.

    YES Pynchon YES. Vineland is to New Roman Times as 1980 is to 2005.

  9. I always thought Victor was the Eastern European and not Jonathan. (Being Prussian/Polish myself I’m always interested in people with similar ancestry.) Got the wrong man again! Ha

    BTW NRT happens to be the best disc in my collection and those who hear it become ardent fans. It is almost like a religion itself.
    p.s. Mormons. Currently reading Sherlock Holmes ‘A Study in Scarlet’ which has a huge section about a group of Mormons from Nauvoo Illinois. I was just reading about them minutes before I came on the net and read your blog.

  10. mormons. for years, about eight or so, i was in a couple of bands that had this drummer that was raised mormon in utah. he painted a pretty terrible picture of
    his childhood , out in the utah wilderness with his family. they only went into town a few times a year. i don’t know if it was the result of being raised in such a remote area or the influence of the religion but, he was batshit crazy and would argue with a rock about the most mundane minutia . i avoid him like the plague now as the events of the past few years have only served to increase his
    paranoia . i’m sure he’s not typical of mormons and i was just “lucky” to meet that one.
    on a side note, i always thought that track 12 from greenland,” better times ” belonged on NRT. it seem to fit thematically and musically. any thoughts?

  11. the alien leader, by the way, was Dock Ellis. I mean, really was Dock Ellis.

    • Chris Baio Says:

      Dock Ellis – greatest pitcher ever. Steroids are for punks. Trippin’ balls while throwing a no-hitter? genius.

      Jonathan, i didn’t know ‘Civil Disobedience’ was your song first. It gives me chills.

      • Civil Disobedience may be the only CVB with a Gretsch guitar- neither beef, chicken, nor fish

      • Speaking of food and guitars–has anybody ever tracked down Pork, Honey, or any of the rest of the stolen stuff? I couldn’t believe that happened.

        There’s been a greenburst Surfcaster on eBay lately, but it’s crazy expensive.

    • i forgot to mention that. of course for all the obvious reasons. that dude was deep.

    • a real american hero!

    • why is it that doc ellis is only remembered for pitching a no-hitter on acid. his truly great achievement was attempting to hit each and every one of the Cincinnati Reds lineup on may 1st 1974. he got through the first 4 players, and had thrown two pitches directly at the head of johnny bench when he was removed from the game.

      • Tom Weber Says:

        Classic …

        Occasionally, many thought, Dock’s aggression went too far. On the evening of May 1 1974, in a game against the Reds (a team that seemed to be an albatross to Ellis throughout his career), Dock, believing his Pirates team was intimidated by the “Big Red Machine,” decided to do something about it. In a pre-game meeting with his catcher, Manny Sanguillen, Ellis said there was no need to go over the Cincinnati hitters’ strengths and weaknesses because he would mow the lineup down. “We gonna get down, we gonna do the do. I’m gonna hit these motherfuckers.” Ellis could be heard saying.

        Few of his teammates took him literally until he plunked the first Reds batter, Pete Rose, (who Ellis often lauded as the best and smartest hitter he ever faced), square in the back. Rose cleverly played up on Dock’s overly-aggressive game plan by calmly rolling the ball back to him. Now infuriated, Ellis hit the next two batters, Joe Morgan in the kidneys and Dan Driessen in the back on successive pitches loading the bases.

        Cleanup hitter, Tony Perez, aware of what was happening, ducked four Ellis fastballs aimed directly at him, coaxing a walk and forcing in a run. When the first two pitches to Johnny Bench were aimed directly at his head, a furious Pittsburgh manager, Danny Murtaugh, emerged from the dugout to remove Ellis from the game. Later, he justified his game plan stating that he did it for the team because they weren’t winning. He was trying to convey the message, “We gonna whip some ass” to the other teams throughout the league.

      • well, let me elaborate a bit. When I say the Alien “leader” was Dock Ellis, what I should explain is that the Aliens initially attempted to learn of North American culture by inhabiting the minds of individuals. Ascertaining that the phenomenon of Baseball was important to this culture, they reasoned that the guy in the middle of the diamond was the Leader, so inhabited his mind, essentially “becoming” him. This guy happened to be Dock Ellis, and it happened to be June 12 1970, while he was high on acid and pitched a no hitter.
        As it happened, this left the Alien intelligence in a state of misapprehension: One, they reasoned that either certain humans or certain human activities were normalized as transdimensional, two, that Baseball was not about hitting a ball at all, but about missing it.
        Numerous subsequent reconnaissance missions using this intel were disastrous (most notably allowing the Pinochet regime to overthrow Allende in Chile), so they re-entered Ellis on May 1, 1974, when he tried to hit every batter on the Reds. Updated intel at this point was responsible for Alien infiltration and the election of Jimmy Carter (“saw a UFO”).

      • Dr. F Zen Hinkopf Says:

        It has something to do with those crazy hats the Pirates wore, right?

  12. Dr. F Zen Hinkopf Says:

    General PLaya del Nueve Milas…is he a hologram or a holograph? Enough of your doublespeak and obfuscation, man. I have half a mind to call my contacts at border patrol to pick you up when you try to come back into Cascadia. And don’t try coming in via Osoyoos or any of the hinterlands between there and Vancouver, because I’ve got them covered. (At least they won’t confiscate any of the CVB literature, which is not considered blasphemous up here).

    Mormons can be reasonable, as when the leaders had a revelation that kava drinking was OK, and Polynesians lined up to join. Most Pious Theocratic Leaders (PTL! ha) lack that degree of common sense

    • wow. we are technicalities today. i stand corrected holograph. as he is not projected onto a 2 dimensional surface. bands can’t cross at osoyoos. you cross at a small crossing like that you are asking for a cavity search.

      • Dr. F Zen Hinkopf Says:

        Just playing, but thanks for clearing that up. I’d offer a map of the old bootlegger trails, but not sure if you have enough mules to get PA’s over bthe Cascades.

  13. aliens are tapped into the “big mind” and, therefore are their own leaders.
    it’s like a hive mentality but, without the facebook thing.

  14. hey David… you managed to get through these 6 great posts without talking once about the name New Roman Times. I originally thought it was just a font pun, but then I heard you guys on NPR and it sounded like it should be taken more seriously….

    • Oh thought it was obivous. being the only superpower left we are the new rome. trying to a enforce a pax americana.

      • it’s an idea that’s been around a while. “oh the streets of rome are filled with rubble, ancient footprints are everywhere” b.dylan

  15. except that in the narrative, there is no “superpower”… Texas, California, et al have what appears to be a marriage of convenience, but if Texas was wanted to be an empire, wouldn’t they just have absorbed those other countries?

    In other words, the title is from our reality, not the reality of the narrative. And that, to my feeble mind, is confusing.

  16. indeed, except that NRT is more Bob Dylan’s 115th Dream than I Shall Be Released.

  17. Better New Roman Times than Sans Comic.

    Well, that’s not true. Lots of comics are pretty bad.

  18. One more thing: here’s the manifesto:

    Click to access CVBRevMan2004.pdf

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