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#32 Poor Mexico so far from God; So Close to Camper Van Beethoven

Posted in Camper Van Beethoven, Cracker with tags ain't gonna suck itself, border ska, borderline, heart, l'aguardiente, sinaloa, tina, yanqui go home on August 18, 2010 by Dr. David C Lowery

“¡Pobre México! ¡Tan lejos de Dios y tan cerca de los Estados Unidos!” -José de la Cruz Porfirio Díaz Mori. President of Mexico 1876-1911.
Poor Mexico, So Far from God, and so close to the United States.

In #22 I ride my bike. I briefly mentioned the borderlands of California and the Southwest. This is as important as the Inland Empire and Santa Cruz to the identity and development of Cracker and Camper Van Beethoven.
So I Should explain the concept of a Borderland a little better.

Borderlands are a concept from Geopolitical theory. It comes in handy when trying to describe California. Borderlands are regions where the immigrant population is still culturally and economically anchored to their nearby ancestral homeland. The classic example is Mexican immigrants in the Southwest of the US. Coachella valley, large swaths of LA, the southern Central Valley. All borderlands. These pockets are neither US or Mexico or both depending on your viewpoint. While physically part of the US they are culturally and economically tethered to nearby Mexico. If you slide into one of these pockets from Mexico or from the the southwest of the US there isn’t really much of a process of adaptation.

Contrast these with the large pocket of Arab immigrants around Dearborn Michigan. The weather alone would require adaptation. But this immigrant population is isolated economically and culturally from ancestral homeland. Sot this population is firmly part of the United States. Exotic and unusual but not a borderland.

So this is what the members of Camper Van Beethoven and Johnny Hickman grew up around, these transnational pockets called Borderlands. Jonathan, Greg and Chris Pederson grew up near these borderlands. Victor, and Chris Molla across the street from the Borderlands while Mike Zorn, Anthony Guess Johnny Hickman and I grew up inside one of these transnational pockets. This was especially true of Anthony Guess.

BTW Guess is really his last name. It was not a stage name. More than any other member of CVB Anthony was the most immersed in the borderland culture. He grew up in the farming and ranching town of King City California way “up” (south) the Salinas Valley. He showed up in Santa Cruz at the ripe old age of 18 and quickly gained a reputation as the great drumslinger in town. First we grabbed him to play in Box o’ Laffs. Later we talked him into playing in Camper Van Beethoven. He was a nut. In a good way. His music options in King City were limited so he learned to play everything. Rock, Country and of course the Norteña or Conjunto music. When we asked him to play with CVB he agreed only if he could play Conjunto style. I had no idea what he meant. But to him it meant he would only bring a kick drum, snare drum, high hat and sometimes a cowbell (pre-irony) or tambourine. The entire first CVB record is played with kick drum high hat and snare. Nothing else. Genius.
Not only did anthony play drums like he was from the borderlands he also talked the talk. His speech sounded vaguely chicano and he sometimes threw in spanglish phrases.

Camper Van Beethoven already had a little subset of norteña influenced ska:

01 Border Ska

04 Yanqui Go Home

11 Tina

But when Anthony Guess came into the band this stuff really started sounding very cool. Like i said we all lived in or near the borderlands so it was as if we were culturally fluent in this stuff anyway. Anthony Guess just took it to another level. Even the flat footed folk of Tina took on a Conjunto edge.

01 Heart

But long after Anthony Guess had left the band we continued to occasionally dabble in this style. Heart was re-recorded in 1987 with Chris Pederson and still retained it’s borderland feel. Although technically it was played more in the Tex-Mex style which was a later offshoot of Norteña.

A quick but important aside. Some people are confused by the this lineage?Norteña before Tex Mex? Norteña is very old. It goes back to the 1850s and those german settlers bringing their music into northern mexico. But it keeps being re-invented. Every 20 or 30 years. Just when it’s about to become old folks music it transforms itself. And always by attaching itself to the most dangerous and edgy elements of the borderlands. Most recently in the 70’s by groups like Los Tigres del Norte, and in the 80’s by Chalino Sánchez (who was born in mexico but spent more than half of his life in california ie a borderlander) In both cases these artists re-invented Nortena by popularizing the Narcorrido.

Damn it feels good to be a gangster. Chalino Sanchez while performing in Coachella CA was attacked and shot onstage. Still standing he pulled his own gun and shot and killed the would be assassin. It was The federales that finally got him in Mexico.

02 L’Aguardiente

The song L’aguardiente nods towards this as well but it was actually more of a play on South american and European music. This track was recorded in Vienna Austria in 1990. Note how enthusiastically the Austrians embrace the Waltz section of the song. That in itself illustrates my earlier German/Czech/Texan/ Northern Mexican musical connect the dots.

Finally there is a Camper Van Beethoven song that addresses the concept of The borderlands directly. Or at least treats it as the real geographical entity it is. Borderline from Key Lime Pie. Like all the songs on this album it’s bathed in melancholy and a dreamy figuratives. But it’s a couple driving from east to west, and west to east across the borderlands. Not into and out of the US and Mexico. They are observing that nothing is changing, they remain in this transnational space between the two Nations. The song even suggests that the Nations are fiction while the Borderland is real. Not to divagate too far but if the people of borderland are bound together voluntarily (which i understand is arguable) their transnational state is as legitimate as that of the US or Mexico. My Anarchist and Libertarian friends might say more legitimate.

06 Borderline

Politicians and Military strategist worry mightily about borderlands. Perhaps rightfully so. These areas tend to explode into violence and chaos. They tend to be flash points for much greater wars. But no one seems to learn from these episodes. We are always given two false choices. Make these areas part of one nation or another. The more obvious and successful choice: Why not let them be? These borderlands have been with us throughout history and oftentimes-not always- they are places of great innovation, thought, music, art and even prosperity. From my political perspective it is often because of the very weakness of the official states in these areas. The governments have limited influence on the culture and economy. People often enjoy extra liberty. Grey market labor, less taxes, fewer regulations and contraband not available in the firmly controlled areas of the nations. They often enjoy less security. But not that much less.

If these areas manage to stay peaceful (an iffy prospect mostly because of interference byt the nearby nations). They are often powerful economic engines. I would say that this is generally true of the borderlands of the US, even if the wealth is unevenly shared. I know this sounds crazy if you look at the headlines in the newspapers. It’s stories of drug smugglers and violence. But the vast majority of the people who live in these regions live peacefully and contribute greatly to the wealth of both countries on either side of the border. And most of the Borderland is not lawless. There are some marked exceptions. Juarez which is firmly part of Mexico (and so technically not a borderland) is currently bordering on anarchy. Some of this spills into the real borderlands of El paso and Las Cruces, but Baltimore is more dangerous than El Paso.

There i go again looking at the big picture.

The Yaqui Nation straddled the border of the US and Mexico. They were still fighting to remain independent of the Mexico in 1918. My Niece who is very much a All-American Californian girl is 1/4 Yaqui, should she go back to Mexico?

Finally shouldn’t we say “immigrants” with quotation marks because a large portion of these immigrants are mestizo. that is mostly Amerindian. Their ancestral homelands straddle both sides of the border. In fact we should probably go even further putting quotation marks around “Mexican”. For many of these people’s ancestors could have just as easily identified themselves as Americans or Texans had history been a little different. Indeed many of their ancestors did identify themselves as such. The recent self-identification of many of these Mestizo people as Mexicans was the result of manipulative nationalists on both sides of the border.

Note in our New Roman Times story Texas has neatly dealt with the situation. Aztlan the semi-autonomous republic within texas is made up largely of the borderland region of the southwest. And in our story it is assumed that these people identify themselves as Tejanos rather than Mexicans, yet still remain culturally distinct. In the story the Texans and Aztlans are comfortable with this arrangement. In reality i don’t know if that would have been the case. But one can hope.

Oh and since i love flags so much the Yaqui have a Flag.

As a historical note. During the Mexican Revolution many of the great Mexican corridos were recorded in San Antonio Texas. Texans in general are more comfortable having a border and shared cultural traits with Mexico than the rest of the western states (except New Mexico). This is instructive.

And indeed Sir Douglas Quintet did in the 60’s in texas what CVB dabbled in 1980s. 20 years before. basically because they were Trxan.

Cracker pays tribute to Sir Douglas Quintet on this track.

It Ain’t Gonna Suck Itself- Cracker

And don’t worry Cracker heads. i”ll devote an entire post to It ain’t gonna suck itself.

Kenny Margolis. It’s not the Violin that is the Devil’s Instrument. It’s the Accordion. And Kenny keeps his DI in a Holster. At least we think it’s a DI. Now that i’ve read about Chalino Sanchez I suspect it’s his pistol.

Finally Kenny Margolis accordion player for Cracker had this idea to take the Bruce Springsteen song Sinaloa Cowboys and make it a Nortena song. This song is very much about the borderlands of California.

04 sinaloa cowboys

Todays words and music.

Borderline.

[INTRO & ENDING:]
[G#m]–[F#]–[G#m]–[B]–[Emaj7]
[G#m]–[F#]–[G#m]–[B]–[C#m]
[Emaj7]–[C#m]–[B]–[E]
[F#]–[Emaj7]–[G#m]

I will [G#m] sing
I will be [F#] passed on over [G#m] now [B] [Emaj7]
Take the [G#m] wheel
Take me [F#] down
Let me [G#m] sleep till we have [B] disappeared [C#m]
‘Cause we’re [Emaj7] moving from east
to [C#m] west
Across the [B] grain, it’s meaning-[E]-less
On the [F#] borderline nothing is [Emaj7] real except for [G#m] you and I

I have silver
And I have dollars
And papers, too
Bring me a mango from the south
Pour me a drink from the bottle
And one for you
‘Cause we’re empty as the desert
As we drift from west to east
On the borderline everything is empty, even you and I

[G#m]–[F#]–[G#m] Yeah? [B] OK [Emaj7]
[G#m]–[F#]–[G#m]–[B]–[C#m]
[Emaj7]–[C#m]–[B]–[E]
[F#]–[Emaj7]–[G#m]

‘Cause we’re [Emaj7] moving from east to [C#m] west
Across the [B] grain, it’s meaning-[E]-less
On the [F#] borderline nothing is [Emaj7] real except for [G#m] you and I

[ENDING]

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#31 Brides of Neptune-Cracker. Did the ferry sink? Is this the underworld? Or is it just another gig in Victoria BC.

Posted in Camper Van Beethoven, Cracker, Sparklehorse, Victor Krummenacher with tags brides of neptune on August 17, 2010 by Dr. David C Lowery

01 Brides of Neptune

In summer of 2009, Cracker was doing a Northwest run with our sister band McCabe and Mrs Miller (Victor krummenacher). It was 4th of July Weekend. A terrible time to play anywhere in the US except right before a fireworks display. So as we weren’t booked at any fireworks displays our agent sent us up in to Canada for the Weekend.
It had been at least 13 years since I’d been to Victoria with Cracker or Camper Van Beethoven. So we didn’t really know what to expect. Victoria (which is confusingly on Vancouver Island and Vancouver City is not) can be an insular place. It’s a college town/government town. It’s only reachable by ferry and aside from provincial government types and college students, the only visitors it gets are those peculiar weird tourists that visit the islands of washington.

The Northern part of the island is also very wild still. Parts of it can be very Northern Exposure. Our promoter was from somewhere up north on the island. It may or may not be a giant hydroponic pot growing operation. Which is especially weird cause there is seems to be some kind of police training centre on the island as well.

But when you are downtown in Victoria, it’s a fairly cosmopolitan place. which by nortwestern or Cascadia standards that means there are some Fluevogs mixed in with the Birkenstocks. The couple times we played there when i was in Camper Van Beethoven it reminded us favorably of 1980’s Santa Cruz.

But back to our story. The ride on the ferry from the mainland was spectacular. We all sat out on the deck took pictures of each other , it was hot by BC standards, 75, and i realized i probably should be wearing sunscreen. How do people get to live in this part of the world? They must have done something very good in a past life: Pushed a pram of quadruplets out of the path of an oncoming bus. damn. Victor Krummenacher and I reminisced about doing this same trip with The Catheads in 1986 or 1987. Mark Zanadreas and I were so hungover we quickly became seasick and ended up vomiting over the railings in tandem. Much to the horror of our Canadian hosts. We were young so i’m sure by 7:00pm we felt completely normal.

But back to our story. When we arrived at the venue in Victoria July 4th 2009 we were a little surprised. It wasn’t really in the quaint victorian downtown but on the outskirts of town. It was a pretty weird place. Just a gigantic cinderblock box. It was a combination venue, hotel, and liquor store on the ground floor. Around back in the basement it also had a strip club and a chinese restaurant. We were pretty early so we all checked into our rooms. About and hour after we got to the hotel, the local promoter called jason our tour manager.

“I just drove down the Island, hey do you mind if i come to your room and take a shower”

And then it started to get weird. There was also some sort of event center in the hotel and it appeared to be preparation for a wedding. And not just any wedding.

I’ve always marveled at how multi-cultural is Canada. Toronto Ottowa and Montreal are of course famous for this. But the west also has it’s own pan-commonwealth queens dominion polyculture. I can not think of any proper way to say this that is politically correct. It appeared that preparations were underway for an Indian-dot/Indian-feather wedding. Or at least the two largest pluralities at the wedding appeared to come from these two subsets of Canadians. It was like a Fellini movie, paper mache elephants, people painted blue , heavily embroidered vests and many variations on the bear claw pendent. Cowboy boots and Saris.

hmm interesting.

And when we went into the club it appeared to have a model of the Parthenon for a stage except there were multiple television sets in the walls between the columns. The overall effect was that of a Russian mobster nightclub in Azerbaijan. That night as we began to play to the handful of people who had shown up, I noticed at the door that one of the doorman had some kind of bulldog or pitbull mix on a leash.

It was then that the devastating reality sunk in. We were in the underworld. While crossing the Strait of Georgia clearly the ferry had sunk and we had all drowned. For some bizarre reason in my minds eye i briefly saw us being accidentally torpedoed by the USS Jimmy Carter (SSN-23). ( I’d recently seen a clip of it being launched or something.) And now like the crew in the song Brides of Neptune we had drowned but did not realize that we were dead.

The dog at the door? Well that was Cerberus. Greek underworld. Remember the greek Parthenon behind us? Also it seemed that the greek underworld shared space with the Indian-dot afterlife, as i was sure that at some point i’d seen Shiva walking around the hotel. It wasn’t a wedding after all!

And now for eternity we would be playing this nightclub every night. Well nearly every night. When Shiva needed more room for a special holiday or if there was a sudden influx of visitors due to a disaster up on the Indian subcontinent: Move over greek underworld! And Hades would summon the ferry. And that ferry would take us to the usual Russian-Azerbaijani nightclub only this time in Elysium, the Asphodel Meadows or Tartarus.

And the reason the ferry had sunk was all my fault. I had not remembered to play the song Brides of Neptune in Vancouver and Vancouver is a port city. This was a superstition that I had developed. Or maybe it was more like an OCD tic: Touch the doorknob twice with my left hand before opening it with my right or there will be a axe murderer in my hotel room when I open the door. That’s more of a tic right?

My superstition went something like this. If we don’t play Brides of Neptune in a port city, then one of the ships that leaves the next day will sink, or a sailor will drown. I developed this superstition as Johnny, and I stood in front of the Seafarers Memorial in Homer Alaska sometime in 2001 or 2002. I felt so stupid. Some showbiz know-it-all writing about sailors lost at sea. There were over 100 names on the bricks and the population of Homer AK at that point was about 5,000. What did i know about the sea? and the lost seafarers.

Nothing except that i seem to mention the sea and sailors a lot in my songs. And the english side of my family were mostly sailors. And my grandfather was torpedoed either 2 or 3 times in WWII. I suppose that is the reason i mention sailors and the sea so often:

I want everything

Saint Cajetan

Take me down to the infirmary

Dr. Bernice

Minotaur

Be my love

there must be more right?

I also have the sneaking suspicion that i was a sailor in a past life and drowned at sea.

Alas the sea is also some kind of allegory for me. A great and immense sadness. The place where all things are eventually lost. We crawled from the sea in the distant past. But it waits for us in the quick and near future. And now I’ve mixed Hades with Poseidon. When you die you become a Bride of Neptune. Neptune is just the Roman name for Poseidon.

But i can’t help thinking of the sea as the immense sadness when i hear this song. For this is one of the songs that i worked up with Mark Linkous. This is a song that he plucked from a pile of small unfinished ideas i kept on cassette tapes. each titled something like “work tape oct 1997″. These were snippets of song about 30 seconds to 3 minutes long. I’d record them onto an old cassette recorder I always kept handy. We were listening in the basement of my studio when we came across this one. ” I like that one, let’s make that a song”. So we did. The only words i had were “brides of neptune cross the waters bring us your sons and bring us your daughter”. We created the music first and then eventually the story came to me. And you can totally tell that this is Mark Linkous playing the bubbling gurgling keys and guitars. It’s his signature sound.

I think of the sea as this immense sadness in this song because March 8th 2010 Mark shot himself in the heart. He had an immense sea of sadness in his soul.

I don’t have that. That darkness. I understand it mind you. But it isn’t me. We are all lost at sea, but it’s not a tragedy. It’s a black comedy. A giant clown cemetery with The Catheads just too damn hungover to dance on our clown graves. While i don’t exactly dance around the seafarers memorial in the video, I talk to the lost and dead seafarers. I send them on a inscrutable voyage with monkeys and pot head mermaids. I send the dead out with a mysterious cargo that they can never get near because it’s “guarded by monkeys” (see post #3 guarded by monkeys). But they aren’t really sad. They are lost but not sad. Understand the distinction?

In the US and many other navies there is an ancient traditon known as The Line Crossing Ceremony. It is a complex ritual in which the sailors (regardless of rank) who have crossed the equator before (shellbacks), ritually abuse and mistreat the sailors who have not crossed the equator before (pollywogs). The simple chorus of Brides of Neptune came to me after my ex-brother in law who was a young US navy officer related to me his ordeal during his first crossing of the Equator. It is too complex to explain here. But your best hope is that you become a Bride of Neptune.

Finally we come to the Horse and Cow. I am not far from the Horse and Cow Bremerton WA as i write this. The Horse and Cow is a bar frequented by Submariners. Neptune is often portrayed followed by a Horse and Cow. In superstition sailors would sometimes tattoo a horse and cow on each ankle. So they wouldn’t be sunk at sea. In WWII this was especially common. The fear was very high that they would be sunk by a submarine. Somehow the submariners adopted the Horse and Cow as their symbol. Both of the related artists i have mentioned in this post, Sparklehorse and the Catheads worked Submarine into their album titles. Both albums I produced.

Also I distinctly remember Mark Linkous telling me that the spanish flotillas would throw there horses and livestock overboard if they thought they were in danger of sinking. And consequently spanish sailors believed the sea to be haunted by ghost horses. (see reference in the song Be My Love) I’ve googled this but to no avail.

However I am superstitious. A clear indication I must have been a sailor in a past life. I am going out now to get a horse and cow tattooed on each ankle.

[INTRO:]
[C] [G] [C] [G]

[C] She says this is my movie, [G] [Gmaj7] [Em] [Em7]
[C] so you’ll do what i tell you. [G] [Gmaj7] [Em] [Em7]
[C] There’s a mixup in Bali – [G] [Gmaj7] [Em] [Em7]
[C] you get chased by a monkey. [G] [Gmaj7] [Em]

CHORUS
[D] Brides of Nep-[Em]-tune cross the wa-[C]-ter,
bring us your [G] sons and bring us your daughters.
I won’t forsake [Em] thee deep in the blue [C] sea;
I’ll take you home. [G]

[C] I tried dating a mermaid; [G]
[C] she buys pot from the first mate. [G] [Gmaj7] [Em] [Em7]
[C] That mysterious cargo [G] [Gmaj7] [Em] [Em7]
[C] is still guarded by monkeys. [G] [Gmaj7] [Em]

Then
REPEAT CHORUS x2

[INSTRUMENTAL SECTION: (Chords as intro)]

REPEAT CHORUS x2

Brides of nep-[Em]-tune [Cm]
Brides of Nep-[G]-tune [Gmaj7]
[REPEAT CHORD SEQUENCE THROUGH ENDING]
Brides of Neptune
Guarded by monkeys

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#30 New Roman Times Album part 6: We Would Fight For Hippy Chix.

Posted in Camper Van Beethoven with tags Civil Disobedience, Discotheque CVB, Hey Brother, Hippy Chix, Oath of the CVB on August 16, 2010 by Dr. David C Lowery

Yesterdays post brought out quite a few Starbucks defenders. Let me be clear. I enjoy starbucks coffee. I make our Crew stop two or three times a day on tour at Starbucks, or Peets or Caribou. And in editing yesterdays post i made it less than clear i was talking about new albums or recordings. If you are selling your new album or recording through starbucks it usually sucks. Old stuff at least 20 or 30 years old tend to be a little better. i bought the Beatles re-issues there and i also have a great english/mod compilation from Starbucks. But this only re-enforces my point. After 20 or 30 years the edginess of something has worn off. . Our cultural anti-bodies have come out and neutralized the threat. Even starbucks or at least Espresso “sold out”. I remember when we used to tour in the 80’s CVB had to plan where to stop to get a latte. Going from DC to Nashville I-81 to I-40, We knew there was little place in Harrisonburg VA off hte square, next there was a place in Roanoke by the old market., but you had to wait till you got to the joint across from UT in Knoxville after that. And that was a long 4 1/2 hours. Even in the early 90’s when Mark Linkous was crackers roadie, He would care a little suitcase with an espresso machine inside of it. he’d set it up in the venue, hotel even at a rest stop in Nebraska once. A large thunderstorm that looked suspiciously like a tornado was bearing down on us, but we had to have our espresso.

17 Oath of the CVB (Hippy Chix)

Moving along. Our protagonist has now successfully contacted the CVB. He is whisked away to Santa Cruz to be indoctrinated and screened by the CVB. He meets Field Marshall Nine Mile Beach at Artisans Christmas annex on the pacific garden mall in Santa Cruz. As it turns out Field Marshall Nine Mile beach is really just a Hologram. “they’ve got this Alien technology he’s just a hologram”. For his own safety he is being projected into the room for the meeting.

Field Marshall Nine Mile Beach? Well all the officers in The CVB use the names of famous Surfing spots on the California Coast. Sometimes they are Surfing spots from parallel universes. Something to do with the quantum encryption scheme mentioned in part 3.

The highest ranking member of the CVB he meets in person here is Major Dogpatch San Onofre. And he is pretty distracted trying to chat up the sales girls.

Regardless our protagonist takes the Oath of the CVB:

I would fight for hippy chix,

I would die for hippy chix,

I might stop and surf a bit but i would die for hippy chix,

I might stop and skate a bit, but i would die for hippy chix

After this he is lead into the basement where he meets a trio of Grey Aliens. The three aliens inexplicably go by the names Hoyt Wilhelm, Vida Blue and Catfish Hunter. In their short time on Earth the Greys have become fascinated with baseball. They love it so much they’ll even listen to recorded broadcasts from the 1950s. Since their real names are not pronounceable by humans, they all adopt english names. Baseball pitchers are a favorite choice.

INTRO]
[E7] [G] [C] [A] [D]
[E7] [G] [C] [A] [D]
[E7] [G] [C] [A] [D]
[E7] [G] [C] [A] [D]

[E7] I see a winter scene in-[A7]-side a tiny plastic [E7] globe [A7]
[E7] Old European castles, [A7] a sinister Santa [E7] Claus
[C] The salesgirl’s really hot, [D] but I can’t talk to her right [E7] now.
[C] I’ve come to meet Field Marshall [D] 9-Mile Beach from the C. V. [E7] B.

CHORUS:
[E7] I would die for [G] hippy chicks
[C] I would die for [A] hippy chicks [D]
I would fight for hippy chicks
I would die for hippy chicks
We might stop and surf a bit
But I would fight for hippy chicks
We might stop and skate a bit
But I would die for hippy chicks

9-Mile Beach he’s so crunchy wearing skater’s knitted caps
He takes my oath but doesn’t even seem to smile or laugh
They’ve got this alien technology he’s just a holograph
Projected next to me while TBI aims at my traitor ass

CHORUS 2:
We would fight for hippy chicks
We would die for hippy chicks
We would fight for hippy chicks
We would die for hippy chicks
We might stop and surf a bit
But we would die for hippy chicks
We might stop and skate a bit
But we would die for hippy chicks

They bring the greys into the room, man I say this just ain’t for real, ah
True Christian Church of Texas teaches aliens are the devil (ha ha ha ha ha ha)
The greys they tell a different story of humanity upon the brink
Of ecological disaster they have come to save our ass-es

[BREAK:]
[B] [C] [G] [B] [C]
[B] [C] [G] [B] [C] [D]

REPEAT CHORUS 2

[E]

18 Civil Disobedience

This song originally came from a solo album by Jonathan Segel Edgy Not Antsy. So yet another song that was sort of finessed into the concept after the fact. The lyrics explain the plot points well enough. The protagonist is grappling with the consequences of his betrayal of Texas. This end has one of my favorite Camper Van Beethoven Guitar Solos.

Originally released on Jonathan Segel’s solo album “Edgy Not Antsy”. Vocal track changed to David Lowery, and additional guitar overdubbed.

[INTRO/BREAK:]
[C] [G] [Bm]
[C] [G] [Bm]

[REPEAT BREAK]

[C] When they [G] come to your [Bm] home
[C] You know they’ll [G] never leave you a-[Bm]-lone
[C] You know [G] your on their [Bm] list
[C] I guess you [G] weren’t the one they [Bm] missed

[REPEAT BREAK]

Have you been doing something wrong?
Well I guess you’ve known that all along
So when they come to take you away
Are you gonna go with them on that day?

CHORUS:
[G] Will you [D] know what to do?
[G] Will you [D] know what to do?
[G] Will you [D] do it?
[G] Will you [D] do what you know how to do?

[REPEAT BREAK]

When they come into your house
Are you gonna hide like a, like a little mouse
You know you’re in their file
But I guess you’ve known that for a while

[REPEAT BREAK]

There’s no room for folks like you
What can you say, what can you do?
So when they come to take you away
Are you gonna go with them on that day?

REPEAT CHORUS

[REPEAT BREAK x many]

REPEAT CHORUS

[REPEAT BREAK]

19 Discotheque CVB

It’s an instrumental so it’s about whatever we say it’s about. Right? The idea here is that after several years of being a double/triple agent our protagonist is at a CVB retreat. It’s a kind of a strategy session mixed with a party. This is the end of the story. The party ends with an explosion. A suicide bomber has infiltrated the CVB.

The video is Camper Van Beethoven’s Manager Velena Vego (and my Girlfriend) dancing to the song. Anyone been to the old Luna Lounge on ludlow in manhattan? This is simply the camera feed of the stage that is shown in the bar. We put the song on the PA and Velena got on the stage and danced to the song. I play the creepy guy that comes to the front of the stage and watches her dance. Minimalist music video. Nothing happens for almost 2 minutes.

20 Hey Brother

Post Script. After the explosion. The scene is in a TexIntelSecuriCorp conference room. An unnamed operative with aviator sunglasses and terrible mustache puts a disc into a video player. Several executives and a Northern Californian Army officer are gathered around a table.. It’s the suicide bombers tape. He is saying his farewells and stating the purpose of his mission Behind him is the yellow banner of a breakaway extremist mormon sect. Also next to the banner is a picture of the sects prophet Ezekial Weiland. The implication is that TexIntelSecuriCorp has manipulated this young man into becoming a suicide bomber. The song is from the suicide bombers perspective. The second implication is that the Northern California Government has sold out the CVB. The CVB had become too radical and anti-authoritarian for the power brokers in Sacramento.

I told you this wasn’t a happy ending.

Finally, I hope none of our mormon friends and fans were offended by this last part. I grew up in the Inland Empire with many mormons. I was in a mormon boy scout troop. My wildest friends in high school were mormon kids gone feral. Perfectly normal people. Every religion and sect has it’s weirdos and extremists. The reason that Mormonism is played up in this story is simply because of the land. Most of the story takes place in Deseret. Everyone knows the Spanish, Mexican and American contributions to the development of the Southwest, but the Mormon settlers also had a great and largely unheralded role. They bravely settled some of the harshest most remote terrain in the West. In this story, (however backhanded) I tried to give them their due.

CHORUS:
Hey [G] brother, we’re on our [C] way
Hey [Am] sister, [C] we’re on our [G] way
Hey brother, don’t be afraid
Hey sister, we’re on our way

Cos if we [D] stay true to our course
And have [Em] faith, keep out of [C] court
We shall be re-[G]-warded [C] very [G] soon

For when we spite them with our swords
In the name of our just lord
We do bring glory a-to his name

REPEAT CHORUS

Cos from this fire I am reborn
Like the phoenix of ancient Rome
I will be cleansed of all my sins

And on a spiral I will rise
As the flames reach to the sky
To sit forever, on the right hand of the lord.

REPEAT CHORUS

Finally when we debuted songs from this album at SXSW in Austin Texas we covered La Zona Rosa with these Wanted Posters of the Members of Camper Van Beethoven. Enjoy!

38 Comments »

#29 New Roman Times part 5: I Hate this Part of Texas.

Posted in Camper Van Beethoven with tags i hate this part of texas on August 15, 2010 by Dr. David C Lowery

16 I Hate This Part Of Texas

Band dressing rooms are famous for their graffiti. Most of it is pretty is juvenile. But on occasion there are gems. A long standing tradition is just to simply write on the dressing room wall “I hate this part of Texas”. This piece of graffiti is usually written in the dressing room at some venue outside of Texas. My favorite incidence of this graffiti was on the wall of a dressing room in Bergen Norway.

As I was born in Texas i am familiar with your average Texan’s overbearing pride in their home state. They don’t really know that most of us don’t sit around thinking about Texas. Texas enters our mind mostly when there is a hurricane or some other natural disaster. Or mass shooting. Sometimes I fear that this graffiti was originated by prideful Texans who view all the world as somehow a lesser part of Texas.

Other times i think this graffiti originated with bands who have played the notoriously shitty venues in Texas. More than any other state the venues in Texas suffer from cramped or no dressing rooms, bad PA’s and surly staffs. Sorry Texas but it’s true. I remember the first time i walked into the Liberty Lunch and thinking “This is the famous Liberty Lunch”? It was December of 1985 and Camper Van Beethoven was opening for the Red Hot Chili Peppers. The Chili Peppers being from LA had the total old school rock crew. So their crew used to working for Motley Crue or Night Ranger had staked out the entire Backstage. The venue gave us some folding chairs that they placed along the wall along the side of the stage. I watched the Chili Peppers thinking “that Flea guy is a great guitarist, But why is he playing guitar parts on Bass?” All the while Rock historian then just a journalist Ed Ward was rattling in my ear about how “unprofessional” Camper had been that night because Jonathan had complained about how cold it was in the venue and he couldn’t keep his violin in tune. While the Chili peppers were “consumate professionals putting on a great show” full of stupid double entendres and flat footed funk that only a drunk UT Pi Chi might find revelatory. I was polite but only because i had no place to hide from him.

In some ways Ed Ward was right. The Chili Peppers were consumate professionals and were rewarded for that with massive success. But “rewarded” may not be the right word. It’scertainly not the kind of success that i would want. I’m not sure that i would want the kind of audience that thinks “Yeah Yeah Yeah Oh No, No No Oh Yeah” is a chorus. I mean what would i say to our fans? What would we talk about? “Hey i don’t like getting hit in the head with a stick, do you? do you like Ice Cream headaches? I don’t !”

This and having your CD sold in a Starbucks is one of the most dubious distinctions in rock music. It means your music and career has acquired the stink of faux of credibility; the Pleather™ sheen of stylized rebellion and pleasant sleepaid gurgling of empty sloganeering. Or as David Cross and Bob Odenkirk so succinctly put it “Break the rules, but don’t really break any rules”.

Bizarre story. I walked into a Starbucks in Grapevine California. It was december and freezing. The wind was blowing a zillion miles an hour down the grapevine and so know one would even dare to get out of their cars to actually go to the counter. The drive thru was packed but i was the only one in the store. At the counter was a Starbucks Compilation of Sonic Youth songs chosen by such celebrities as Marc Jacobs (the clothing designer!?) Wow that is so punk rock dude. The Chicana behind the counter was pretty chatty and a little bit of a smart-ass so i thought she’d be good to engage in conversation. Holding up the Sonic Youth CD:

“Do you know who this band is?”

“No”

“Do you know what they sound like?”

Squinting “Are they …were they..some kind of Boy Band?”

“Has anyone bought this CD”

“Not during my shifts”

” Do you know any of the celbrities that picked theses songs?”

“um…Portia de Rossi–Are you from Corporate Headquarter?”

“No i’m just an asshole”

Even Thurston Moore The Third knew how weird this was. Check out how he keeps laughing nervously in this pitchfork interview.

Grapevine California. Sonic Youth Hotbed.

Camper Van Beethoven writes music that could never be played in a Starbucks unless the clerks managed to splice their iPods into the pipe that drizzles the music, like low calorie icing in from the Seattle Headquarters. And this is probably one of the top 5 Camper Van Beethoven songs least likely to be played in a Starbucks. Even if Portia de Rossi swore up and down cross-my-heart-hope-to-die-stick-a-needle-in-my-eye “this is the best song in the world” it would not make it past the censors at Corporate. I’m proud of that. In fact i am proud that there is no song in my entire catalogue that could possibly make it onto a Starbucks CD. ( And i dare Starbucks to prove me wrong. he he)

Aside from that Sonic Youth mistake. Which was weird enough that the Traders on CNBC’s Fast Money mentioned it in connection to Starbucks stock price, someone at Corporate in Starbucks is very good at picking out fake edgy bands like Death Cab For Cutie. Band’s that are really the equivalent of 70’s mustachioed soft rock. Bands “that break the rules but don’t really break the rules.” Bands that if they were ground up and loaded into shotgun shells that then a drunken Dick Cheney fired in your general direction and one small piece of a Death Cab for Cutie song lodged next to your heart the doctors would not operate. In a press conference in their spiffy white coats they would announce :

“The small fragment of the Death Cab For Cutie song is so innocuous, so bland and devoid of roughness, sharp edges or any dangerous ingredient, we think the safest course is just to leave the fragment next to the heart. Thank you.”

******************

I hate this part of Texas. What is this song? in the context of the story of New Roman Times, it’s our protagonist really high on some extra strong flower, trying to get his Los Tigres contacts to put him in touch with either Mexican Intelligence services, Grey aliens or The CVB. He is going over to the other side.

Again what is this song. Like post #1(The chemist said) this is one of those songs that came about because Engineer John Morand was listening to a song backwards (The Long Plastic Hallway). He really enjoys doing this. He of course found an engaging melody and pointed it out to us. Eventually we figured out we could sing “I hate this part of Texas” to this Backwards melody.

It’s fun to be Camper Van Beethoven.

And as a Bexar county born son of Texas. I got to say this on behalf of Texas: If Starbucks were based in Texas at least the damn CDs would suck less and they’d have a beef brisket BBQ sandwich.

45 Comments »

#28 New Roman Times part 4: Unabomber as Folk Hero. Steve Reich as Pop Star

Posted in Camper Van Beethoven with tags come out, i am talking to this flower, might makes right, militia song, new roman times, the long plastic hallway, the poppies of balmorhea on August 14, 2010 by Dr. David C Lowery

06 Might Makes Right

I don’t know how i can top that last story. That gum you like is back in style. I’m not even gonna try.

Might makes Right has our young Texan on patrol with his unit in the Middle East. He is slowly growing disillusioned with his role and his units mission. In particular he was entered the Army a fairly devout christian. He actually bought into a lot of the the notion that God was on the side of Texas. After 9 months in the middle east he has come to doubt many things. The lyrics tell the story well enough.

[INTRO/BREAK:]
[Bm] [F#7] [Bm]
[Bm] [F#7] [Bm]

CHORUS:
Yeah might makes [G] right
Yeah might makes [D] right
They say that [F#7] god is on our side and made us [Bm] mighty
Yeah might makes [G] right
Yeah might makes [D] right
They say that [F#7] god is on our side I don’t believe them

I’m [Bm] crawling through the under brush, we’re [F#7] teched up to the hilt
Compared to us these poor guys should be [Bm] wearing shorts and kilts
I’ve got a living breathing shadow crossed up in my scope
My partner gives the signal, pull the trigger, then there’s smoke

CHORUS:
Might makes right
Yeah might makes right
They say that god is on our side and makes us mighty
Yeah might makes right
Yeah might makes right
They say that god is on our side I don’t believe them

[REPEAT BREAK]

CHORUS:
Might makes right
Yeah might makes right
I guess that god is on our side and makes us mighty
Yeah might makes right
Yeah might makes right
They say that god is on our side I don’t believe them

They want us from the villages, they want us from the towns
Who could really blame them, shit blows up when we’re around
We fly above their houses with our Huey double-props
We scare the crap out of their kids, their mothers and their flocks

CHORUS:
Might makes right
Yeah might makes right
I guess ’cause god is on our side it makes us mighty
Yeah might makes right
Yeah might makes right
They say that god is on our side I don’t believe them

Also here is a video that John Croxton did for the song. He interpreted it differently. He did a sort of Fight Club thing to it.

07 Militia Song

This is another of the songs that had been around before we came up with the concept for New Roman Times. It was originally titled The Unabomber song. Cause clearly it was written about Ted Kaczynski. And as a basic idea, it had been kicking around in my head since he was caught. I was kind of fascinated by some of the details of his life. It didn’t hurt that he was a mathematician. I mean that always gets me interested. I also developed a weird fascination with his manifesto cause excerpts printed in the papers started to make sense to me. I was starting to freak myself out. The guy was a violent terrorist and very nearly succeeded in bringing down a passenger jet. Not to mention the innocent people he killed and maimed. And i was developing an unhealthy empathy for the guy.

And then there were the just plain weird details. When his brother turned him in, a brief profileon CNN mentioned that his brother had “lived in west texas in a hole in the ground”. As if that was a normal biographical detail.

In the alternate reality of New Roman Times. The Unabomber song is a favorite underground country song popular w with the right wing militia set in Deseret, Texas, and Southern California. These groups were very instrumental in supporting the Mormon Uprising in California. Like the infamous Rodeo song many artists have covered it and there are many variations, some quite vulgar and all politically incorrect.

New Roman Times- Camper Van Beethoven

We discussed this in the first post. But this is our young protagonist loses a leg while on patrol in the middle east. He comes home, a bitter broken man. begins to drink heavily and finally runs away from his young wife and family to occupied California. Las Vegas California to be exact.

11 The Poppies Of Balmorhea

Balmorhea is a famous spring in the arid country of West Texas. In our story The Poppies of Balmorhea is a bar in Las Vegas, frequented by members of the Texan intelligence community. It’s an Oasis -get it- for the hardcore black bag and private intelligence contractors. BTW there are no Deseret Intelligence folks here as they don’t drink, they do however set up shop at the Jamba Juice directly across the street in case their Texan allies deign to speak to them.

It is here in this bar that he is recruited by agents from the quasi private TexIntelSecuiCorp (Doo Dah). They are the sleaziest and most ruthless of the lot. The plan is for him to become a double agent. All he needs to do is play himself: a bitter and disgruntled wounded former soldier in the Army of Texas. They want him to either infiltrate the Los Tigres Trafficante organization or the CVB. Since he has recently developed a taste for the barely illegal “Flower” he accepts. But he also has a vague sense that he can somehow exact revenge. On who he’s not sure? But it’s not the Los Tigres or the CVB. He has no beef with them.

12 The Long Plastic Hallway

In the song the protagonist goes to LA with his TexIntelSecuriCorp handlers. He is wined and dined. He is partying like a rock star. He meets aliens and movie stars. It’s crazy.

But again this is one of the songs that at least partially was written before the concept of New Roman Times album came about. And the true story it’s based on happened in 1984.

First the Long Plastic Hallway is from a quote widely (mis)attributed to Hunter S. Thompson:

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There’s also a negative side.”

Second the song is a metaphor for selling out. For doing the wrong thing for money. For selling your soul. And finally doing stupid stuff for your own vanity.

Thirdly there is the true story that goes with this song. That in real life involves flying saucers and aliens. And it’s a Doozy. It deserves it’s own separate post. Stay tuned.

Finally the video is only evocative of the theme of the song. Not literal. The child represents the innocence that will be lost. Drag queen Manley Lennox represents our protagonist. He of course is “cross dress” his allegiances.

I Am Talking To This Flower- Camper Van Beethoven

In this song the protagonist is working with Los Tigres. Trying to get information about the CVB and Mexican informants in Southern California. But mostly he’s thinking out loud. He is essentially talking himself into joining the CVB. His bosses of course think this is a good idea He is supposed to be a double agent after all. But he has his own plans. He intends to join the Rebels for real. I guess that makes him a triple agent. He is at this point completely disillusioned with his own government. He also is feeling the effects of the Flower. He’s got a plan it’s just not quite clear….

Also while researching odds and ends for this post I’ve discovered there are a lot of people who believe that Marijuana really is a plant that Extraterrestrials brought to Earth. Here is one such nut.

The song starts with a sample from Steve Reich’s Come out to show them.

(sampled voice:)
I had to like, open the bruise up and let some of the blues blood come out to show them…

[G] I’m working California [D-Em-C]
[G] Tex Securintellicorps [D-Em-C]
[Am] And I’m smoking lots of [C] flower
‘cos I’m really [G] bored [D-Em-C] [G] [C]

I’m talking to my contacts
They’re el tigres traficantes
They always bring me flower, for known intelligence

CHORUS:
And if I [D] weren’t high on the flower
I [C] could not work for the power
that [G] stands for nothing decent any-[F]-more
Yeah if I [D] weren’t high on the flower
I would [C] walk into a [A7] tower
Do some-[G]-thing [D-Em-C] nuclear, or worse [C]

I’m talking to this flower
So what ya lookin’ at?
Texas bureau little crew cuts
You need me much more

I’m talking to this flower
Without me he’d be lost
Maybe I should join the rebels
At least the chicks are hot

REPEAT CHORUS

14 Come Out

Well going back to the alternate universes and pop star theme: in our New Roman Times reality Steve Reich is a pop star. He plays a sort of highly repetitive hypnotic blues rock. Often singing one phrase over and over again. In California and Mexico where there is a lot of Flower smokers he is especially popular. This song he makse in reference to a martyred mormon separatists famous last words to his followers “Come out to show them”. This song is playing on the radio as our protagonist drives back from Fresno CA to LA.

This song was really just a tag on the end of I am Talking to this Flower, we hadn’t developed a proper ending and one take David Immergluck, Jonathan Segel and i just kept playing. Some how i got inspired to start singing “Come out to Show them” over the end. It accidentally developed into a this strange plot point.

Tomorrow part 5.

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#27 New Roman Times. Part 3. Start smoking weed now cause by the time you get to the end of this one you need to be really high to understand it.

Posted in Camper Van Beethoven, Cracker with tags 51-7, prelude, sons of the new golden west, that gum you like is back in style, white fluffy cloud on August 13, 2010 by Dr. David C Lowery

The album New Roman Times. A song by song explanation of the plot. Yes i know it varies a bit from the liner notes of New Roman Times. And seriously this gets pretty silly by the end.

01 Prelude

An instrumental meant to invoke growing tension. It climaxes with a backwards piano chord. Meant to symbolize the catastrophic events that sets all the events in the story in motion. A terror attack like 9-11 from a country in the middle east. This causes Texas and it’s allies The CSA, Quebec, and Deseret to send troops to the middle east. Despite their mutual defense pact California declines to send troops.

In parallel a Waco type event in California. Fundamentalist Mormon offshoot in California Republic end up in a bloody clash with California Paramilitary Civil Guard. This provokes an uprising among the large Mormon population in the Las Vegas, Bakersfield, San Bernardino, Ensenada and San Diego Provinces. A state of insurrection exists. There is widespread sympathy towards Texas in these Provinces. Especially with regards to their military campaign in the Middle East.

02 Sons Of The New Golden West

A shadowy Cabal of Southern California business leaders, politicians, paramilitary and military officers. They have pro-Texas sympathies. With the terror attack, the Mormon uprising, and the President of California Paul MacKinney refusing to honor the mutual defense treaty with Texas they challenge the constitutionality and legitimacy of the Government of California. The leaders of The Sons of The New Golden West set up a parallel government in Pasadena. Much of the paramilitary California Civil Guard, and key elements of the California Military side with the Pasadena Government. The entire California Air Force defects or stands down. But most importantly Admiral Krummenacher in La Paz allows the entire Texan Pacific Fleet out of the Bay of California. In support of the Government in the Pasadena, the Texas Navy defeats the California Navy at San Diego and seizes the Port of San Diego. Admiral Krummenacher is rewarded by being appointed Minisister of Defense for the Pasadena government. California is now effectively divided into two separate countrys. The Pasadena government controls the coast from Monterey to Cabo San Lucas. The Pasadena Government controls all of the central valley south of sacramento. The south also controls the cities of San Jose and Fremont in the South Bay. The provinces of Las Vegas, San Bernardino are occupied by Deseret Troops. Texas also send troops to support the Pasadena Government. The Civil War/Invasion last for about 3 weeks. Then for reasons that are not entirely clear The Grey aliens intervene and destroy half of the Texan Pacific Fleet and most of their Aircraft using highly advanced energy weapons. The Greys and Blues then force a truce upon the warring factions. The aliens revealing themselves publicly is a big shock to most of the population of the world. However most governments had long been aware of their presence in the deserts of California.

But wait this is an instrumental. Yeah exactly. So we can say it’s about whatever we want. If it were real opera the dancers would act all this out. Oh yes and Chris molla wrote this song and just emailed it to us. we did loosely describe that we needed a whole tone instrumental that had a very warlike feeling. Or something like that. It’s a fantastic piece of prog-rock in my opinion. We kept parts of Chris guitar and keyboard parts from the demo. He wasn’t actually in the studio with us ever. He actually also sent us the sheet music, because the damn thing is totally complex. it took us days to learn to play the melodies. Kudos Chris Molla.

Also Chris Molla cleverly combined the Masons-like “Sons of the New West” and the pancake restaurant “Golden West Pancake House”, to come up with the name of this Cabal.

03 51-7

This is where you meet the protagonist, the young Texan. He is eager to join the an elite Texan military unit known informally as “The 51-7”

The Lyrics tell the story well enough.

I’ve been through all kind of changes
Cut my hair dyed it black in stages
Been in trouble with the law, but that’s all over now
I’m ready for the big time: 51-7

Left home don’t think my five brothers ever noticed
Mom half-baked on weed and scientology
My father if I ever find, well don’t you never mind
I’m ready for the big time: 51-7

CHORUS:
You think you’re strong enough
You think you’re tough enough
You think you’ve got what it takes to be 51-7
You think you’re smart enough
You think you know everything
But you don’t know anything ’til you’re 51-7
51-7 51-7 51-7 51-7

Nothing to believe in except God and country
Can’t stand to see ourselves pushed around or fucked with (clean alternative = or disrespected)
Well give me a chance to show the world what I’m made of
Come on, come on, 51-7

CHORUS (x2):
You think you’re tough enough
You think you’ve seen everything
But you ain’t seen anything ’til you’re 51-7
You think you’re smart enough
You think you know it all
But you don’t know anything ’til you’re 51-7
51-7 51-7 51-7 51-7

04 White Fluffy Clouds

The young Texan is deployed to the middle east. When he arrives the older more experienced soldiers sing the praises of their favorite weapons system.

The music in this song deserves some mention. The instrumental passages are a tip to the great 70’s prog rock bands. In particular the later King Crimson albums Larks Tongue in Aspic and Red. Also if the original Camper Van Beethoven broke apart into pieces (like a urinal cake remember). This was me trying to incorporate the pieces back into the whole. This song is all about exploiting the prog-rock leanings of The Monks of Doom.

Also known as “My Baby Is A White Fluffy Cloud”. Weapons: OH-58 (a Bell helicopter), JDAMs (Joint Direct Attack Munition – thanks Rob Buntz for this info!) M-9 a little handgun, hence lowly. The 3rd verse is omitted from the version on New Roman Times, but is present on the iTunes digital MP3 EP release and on earlier demo version.

[INTRO:]
[E]

My baby’s in the [A] white fluffy clouds
She’s [D] miles above but she drops [A] J. [G] DAM.s [E] down
My baby’s an OH-[A]-58
She’s [D] like a flying rough rider [A] mo-[G]-tor-[E]-bike

My baby’s an M-4 Carbine
Good for close combat gets you home alive
My baby’s an M-24
Put a condom on the muzzle keep the desert out

[INSTRUMENTAL BREAK:]
[C] [G] [D] [A] [E] [B] [C]
[REPEAT CHORD SEQUEUNCE]

[E]

[E] [D] [E] [D]

[E]

My baby’s an 82-A
for less than ten dollars take a jet plane down
My baby’s a lowly M-9
When you’re left-handed it works mighty fine

[E] [D] [E] [D]

[C] [G] [D] [A] [E] [B] [C]
[REPEAT CHORD SEQUEUNCE TO FADE]

05 That Gum You Like Is Back In Style

Meanwhile back in California Northern sympathizers in the occupied regions of the southern California have formed an underground insurgent group known as The CVB. It is never clear why ” CVB” but it is rumored to be a reference to a very poplular band from a parallel alternate reality. How is that for being self-referential! The entire song is a Crypto key. OK?

Well i suppose i do have to explain it: a Cyrpto key is something that allows you to encode and decode messages. The CVB and the northern California government have developed an unbreakable quantum encoding system. They use this to communicate intelligence and other information. The CVB and Northern Californians learned this method from the Mexican Intelligence Services. The Mexicans in turn probably learned this technology from the Blue or Greys.

As an aside Mexican scientists have been making extraordinary breakthroughs in genetics, mathematics materials and guayabera shirt technology at an unusual rate. It appears they alien races are specifically helping the Mexicans or they have access to a super strong versions of the new Marijuana known as “Flower” or “Chocolate” that dramatically increases intelligence. This marijuana in turn likely came from one or both of the alien races as they are Chronic Flower smokers.

Back to the crypto key. It’s a little too hard to explain in great detail. Suffice it to say that it’s based on small seemingly insignificant differences between two parallell universes. For instance the crypto key being used here based upon Three distinct Variation Axes.

1.Differences between the plot lines of Twin Peaks in two different parallel universes. In one universe this line is spoken in a dream by the familiar bright green Doberman Pinscher, in another it’s spoken by a little person.

2. Differences in autobiographical details of one of the main dancers in Cirque Du Soliel franchise at Morongo Casino in Cabazon. In one alternate reality she suffers an episode of Bells Palsy and for the rest of the 6 week engagement she paints her face in the manner of a Sad Clown.

3. Differences in the career of the obscure English 60’s Garage Rock group The Beatles. In one parallel universe the lead guitar role is not filled by guitar legend Keenan Wynne, instead that role is (bizarrely ) filled by Conservative British Prime Minister George Harrison (1989-1992).

Now of course this is all made up after the fact. This is one one of a handful of songs that existed before the New Roman Times album was even conceived. This is the story that we made up to fit the song into the album. The truth is, like many of my songs, the words don’t mean shit. They were meant to evoke a mood. In this case a very werid david lynch type mood. Further this song was actually written by Cracker guitarist and co-founder Johnny Hickman and myself. It should have been a Cracker song i suppose. But it was so much more a part of the Camper Van Beethoven ouevre that it got thrown to Camper Van Beethoven.

Tomorrow in Part 4 we’ll finish it up.

This is the PEDAL STEEL intro, as played by David Immergluck and transcribed by John Lockney (thanks for this John!)

. D           A           Em               G      D       A        Em
1 __________|___________|_____3__________|______|_______|________|_________|
2 __________|___________|_____3__________|______|_______|________|_________|
3 __________|___________|__3_____________|______|_______|________|_________|
4 __________|___________|__3____3___3____|_3__3_|_5__5__|__5_ 5__|__5~__3__|
5 __________|___________|_______3~A_3~A__|_3__3_|_5~_5A_|__5A~_5_|__5~__3__|
6 __________|___________|________________|____3_|_5~_5B_|__5B~_5_|__5~__3__|
7 __________|___________|________________|______|_______|________|_________|
8 __________|___________|________________|______|_______|________|_________|
9 __________|___________|________________|______|_______|________|_________|
10__________|___________|________________|______|_______|________|_________|

.  G              D
1 ____3_______|___________|
2 ____3_______|___________|
3 _3__________|___________|
4 _3___3______|___5__5____|
5 _____3__3___|___5~_5A___|
6 ________3___|___________|
7 ____________|___________|
8 ____________|___________|
9 ____________|___________|
10____________|___________|

INTRO
[D] [A] [Em] [G]
[D] aah [A] aah [Em] [G]

CHORUS:
[D] That gum you like [A] is back in [Em] style, again [G]
[D] Haven’t seen [A] ya for awhile, [Em] my friend [G]

[A] Spent all of saturday pining away [Em]
[A] For that strange Quebecoise girl in Cirque du Soleil [Em] [G] [A]

REPEAT CHORUS

I was daydreaming of better days
At the Chelsea Hotel before I scared you away

REPEAT CHORUS

[D] [A] [Em] [G]
[D] [A] [Em] [G]
[D] aah [A] aah [Em] [G]
[D] aah [A] aah [Em] [G]

Who could be calling waking me from my dreams
Of John, Paul and Ringo with Keenan Wynn (no George)

REPEAT CHORUS x3

24 Comments »

#26- New Roman Times Album- Camper Van Beethoven Pt 2.

Posted in Camper Van Beethoven with tags i am talking to this flower, Los Tigres Trafficante on August 12, 2010 by Dr. David C Lowery

Last Post i put up my beautifully annotated map and never really explained it’s significance. Let me explain the map and the backstory to New Roman Times. This backstory was created by Jonathan Segel and I over a couple of weeks via email exchanges.

As a counterpoint to the Red State/Blue State theme We divided North America up into 13 distinct Nations. So North America looks more like south America. We did this based on our experiences touring. Calgary with it’s cowboy heritage and country music; Edmonton with it’s oil patch politics seemed part ofTexas. Greater Texas if you will. The western half of South Dakota, for similar reasons is part of Greater Texaas. Half of South Dakota is green farms, restaurants advertising Swedish Meatballs and polka nights. The Sunday sermons listed on the Lutheran Churches seem fairly pragmatic and don’t suggest any snake handling is going on inside. But you cross the Missouri river and it’s range land, cowboys and off- brand evangelical churches in old storefronts. Their signs scream “Repent Sinners”. You also get weird billboards urging the US to leave the UN cause it’s part of the Anti-Christ’s plan for one world government.

So therefore Texas includes all the high plains and front range grasslands. All the way up to Canada’s arctic oil patch. Texas also includes the other North American oil patches in west texas, Louisiana, and the Mexican gulf coast down to Veracruz.. And a good bit of the Commanche, Apache and Navajo Country. The latter as part of the semi-autonomous Aztlan. Similarly Louisiana (Acadia ) is semi autonomous as well as parts of the Yukon and Canadian arctic.

Texas is the most powerful nation in North America. It is the only Country with access to the Atlantic, Pacific and Arctic Oceans. It also controls most of the oil and gas resources of North America.

Texas is closely allied with Deseret the Mormon nation which occupies much of the Great Basin of the intermountain west. It is also closely allied with The Confederate States of America.

The Confederate States of North America are occupy the exact area that you imagine they would. Except they’ve managed to annex Cuba, The Bahamas and other islands in the Caribbean.

Maritime Canada is it’s own nation Nova Scotia. This seemed to make sense to us as Maritme Canada seems much culturally closer to Scotland, Ireland or England. And few Americans realize that Labrador and Newfoundland were not part of Canada until the late 1940’s.

Quebec is where you would imagine. The United States is basically everything above the mason Dixon line and East of the Missouri river. There are a couple of notable exceptions: Maryland, Delaware, West Virginia, Franklin ( a new state formed by union loyalists in Eastern TN and Western NC) Kentucky, Missouri parts of Northern Arkansas, Washington DC and northern Virginia north of the Rappahanock river are all part of the United states.

Cascadia is most of Oregon, Washington State, Northern Idaho and parts of Montana, British Columbia and Alaska. Cascadia was established as a separate English colony after President Millard Fillmore ceded the most of the great plains west of the Missouri to Texas and the Pacific Northwest to England. It was rumored but never proven that president Fillmore and some of his cabinet received enormous bribes from the British and Texan Governments. (White or Tsarist Russian Alaska joined Cascadia in 1922 after the Bolshevik Revolution.)

In Reality Reality This was the Proposed State of Deseret.

Texas then encouraged the Mormons in parts of the Northwest to rebel against the British and establish their own polygamous nation. Texas also allowed Mormon areas of Utah, Nevada, Wyoming and eastern Oregon to secede and join the Mormon state.

Earlier Texas had wrested much of this area from Mexico in the second Texan-Mexican War of 1845. At this time Texas also helped California (including Baja California) break away from Mexico. California at first was a virtual colony of Texas. But as many Union loyalist from the Northwest, Deseret and Plains filtered into California it became more and more independent. This division between the chiefly Texan Confederate and Mormon settlers in the sparsely populated and impoverished Southern California and the wealthy Union loyalists in the North would come back to haunt California.

Indeed this is how our story begins. In 2004 parts of Southern California try to Secede from the Republic of California and a civil war ensues. The Republic of Texas and The Mormon republic Deseret opportunistically intervene on the side of the Southerners.

Deseret hopes to expand their borders to include the large mormon communities in the Las Vegas and San Bernadino Provinces of California.

The Texans gain control the Pacific ports at Ensenada and San Diego. This is important because previously their Pacific Fleet was based out of Rocky Point or Puerto Penasco on the bay of California in the semi-autonomous Aztlan region of Texas. Mexico and California could effectively “bottle up” the Texan fleet in the Bay of California.

And also about this time It is revealed that two distinct Space Alien races have established secret bases in the California. The “Blues” in Baja California near Loreto. And the “Greys” just outside of Las Vegas. At area 51.

The Blues and the Greys who had taken a hands off approach to Earthling politics up to this point intervene to enforce a truce on the two warring sides. The conflict becomes a simmering insurgency. The northern Insurgents call themselves The CVB. No one is sure exactly what the acronym stands for.

There is also this new genetically altered weed that is floating around. It actually increases ones intelligence and it may have come from the aliens. It may also explain Californias sudden technological advances. It’s called Flower in English or Chocolate in Spanish. It’s distribution is controlled by a Mexican gang (Los Tigres Trafficantes) operating with the complicity of the Mexican intelligence services.

See my post on Jo stalins Cadillac for the Camper Van Beethoven patented songwriting formula. But I believe we have the three main elements.

Aliens. Check

Pot or Psychedelics. Check

Crazy conspiracy theories. Check

Seems like a Camper Van Beethoven Album to me.

Los Tigres Traficantes- Camper Van Beethoven

In reality Jonathan recorded this guy selling chocolate on a street corner in Lima Peru. He chopped it up and put it to this instrumental.

I Am Talking To This Flower- Camper Van Beethoven

The young Texan Soldier is now working for Texintelsecuricorp. A private intelligence company in Texas. He’s supposed to be gathering intelligence on the CVB and Mexican operatives in Southern California but he’s really just spending most of his time smoking Flower with Los Tigres Trafficantes.

Also TexIntelSecuriCorp is none as a “Doo Dah” in other words it has the same cadence as “Camptown Races five miles long”. Frank Funaro Cracker’s drummer can hear any instance of this cadence. He quickly says “Doo Dah”. I was singing practicing pronouncing TexIntelSecuirCorp when Frank Funaro shouted across the room “Doo Dah”.

In part three I will do the songs and the story chronologically.

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# 25 New Roman Times-Camper Van Beethoven. Part 1 The Republic of California vs The Republic of Texas.

Posted in Camper Van Beethoven with tags new roman times on August 11, 2010 by Dr. David C Lowery

New Roman Times- Camper Van Beethoven

This is the title track of the Camper Van Beethoven album of the same name. It was released in 2004. Remember i told you that CVB reformed in 2000 and we didn’t really tell anyone? In fact the band began to release new material as if it were “lost” and rediscovered tracks. We did two albums this way: Tusk and Camper Van Beethoven is Dead Long Live Camper Van Beethoven. In 2003-2004 we recorded the third of our post reunion records New Roman Times. This one of course was the official reunion record. The one that got all the press and fanfare. And it was a good thing because it was an extremely ambitious record. It would have been a shame to waste that on Tusk (as much as i love Tusk).

New Roman Times is a Sci-Fi Alternate Reality Rock Opera. It is intended as a political farce. A sarcastic commentary on the whole notion of a Red State/Blue State america. It is not directly a commentary on the Iraq war although i realize much of it reads that way.

It was 2003 and much of the media and our political elite seemed intent upon dividing us. God fearing Christians on one side vs decadent secularists on the other. Conservatives vs Liberals. Pro-war Hawks vs Anti-War Doves etc etc. It was relentless and with it we kept getting this map flashed on the TV screens. You’d see it on the TV screens in the airport, in bars, in the lobbies of hotels, always with the sound down and the closed capitoning crawl (with it’s occasionally hilarious mis-captions). A map of the US with a bunch of states colored red and a quite a few less (the ones with most of the population) colored blue. It was presented in the most somber manner. Like a holy artifact. Like the key piece of evidence in a trial.

That’s us? I mean stand in the Atlanta airport a while and look at the vast sea of humanity. You can really break it down into that? You can do the same at O’hare or DFW. Further most of this Red state Blue State stuff got all tied together into one nice neat little flaming shitball package centered on the invasion of Iraq.

The war in Afghanistan did not require such divisions and manipulations. There was a general -but not unanimous-sense Al Qaeda was a menace and we should probably do something about it. But Iraq did not enjoy that kind of semi-consensus. So a lot of coercion huffing and puffing was required. By 2003 it was like a virtual Civil War was being fought on the US airwaves.

So my natural reaction was to take this notion and exaggerate it. To follow it to an extreme conclusion. With tongue firmly in cheek I made an alternate reality where the Christian Republic of Texas opportunistically intervenes in the Republic of California’s Civil War. The story of course is told through the eyes of a young soldier in the Army of Texas. Of course my sympathies are more naturally with the Republic of California but as usual i wanted to tell the story through the eyes of ‘the other’ the Young Texan. Actually that’s a little too simplistic. I was torn. In real life i was born in Texas but raised in California. So once again it’s me doing battle with myself. All fiction is autobiographical.

Most conservatives would accept Texas as a symbol of the triumph of Individual rights and Freedoms. Most liberals would see California as that. In reality both are gross mischaracterizations, no matter what your political leanings. I was being mischievous and playful by pitting these two against each other.

And you know what? it was really fun to make this record. Once we had the concept the record came together really quickly. It was nearly effortless. It was like Camper Van Beethoven had not been dormant for 10 years.

Tinky Winky was banned in the Christian Republic of Texas. Elmo required a special permit. The Republic of California fined Jonathan Segel for holding his rabbit improperly.

As an aside. Always be afraid when the politicians and the elites chatter on about doing something in the “National Interest.” Or something that is in the best interest of Civilization, the Economy the Common Good etc. Beware anything and anyone that groups us all together and then applies “interests” to us as a group. This is almost always the beginning of some sad chapter in our history. There was a lot of talk like this in the lead up to the Iraq war.

Conversely from time to time our politicians or courts have stepped in to protect or expand an individual right. Often in the face of an argument that it was against the common good. It was often the beginning of a good chapter in our history. Think of various civil rights rulings.

Yet this talk of national interests and collective good is always seen as noble, despite it’s lousy track record. But when someone advocates for a particular individual right, they are oftentimes seen as dangerous, selfish or somehow immoral. It’s a weird contradiction that few (except those on the political fringes) seem to notice. I’m not saying we don’t have actual common interests. But if we don’t naturally and without coercion of any kind assemble as individuals around our “common interests” they are usually not our common interests. The false division of us into Red and Blue states of mind, was -IMHO- evil not because it was some divide and conquer ruse. It was evil because it re-enforced the false narrative about a “common good” that was actually just in the narrow interest of a powerful elite.

That’s what really got my dander up. This ends today divagation.

The Song New Roman Times picks up in the middle of our story. It starts with the young Texan deployed somewhere in the middle east. A small war. A small intervention. Not unlike somalia or maybe afghanistan. He has been there for some time. He’s quite adept having been made a member of an elite unit “The 51-7”. He is however disillusioned by the war and his experiences. Possibly because he is distracted in this way he steps on a land mine or IED and loses a leg. He is discharged back to texas where he returns to his hometown in the Rio Bend region of west texas. He is bitter and starts drinking heavily. His life there becomes a disaster and he makes his way to the texas occupied part of California to start over. Like so many before him. Las Vegas California.

My map is poorly drawn and the Republic of California should include a little more of southern nevada including Las Vegas.

The video for this doesn’t exactly stick to our story. It however is very evocative of the wounded soldiers plight.

Finally the chorus with the children singing “my daddy’s got your back my mommas got your back etc” was inspired by something i saw on the eve of the Iraq invasion. We were on tour and we stopped in a truck stop in northern georgia. All along the hallways down to the shower were dozens of drawings by children. They were portraits of their parents who were members of the National Guard (not regular army) that had been deployed to Iraq. One boys handwriting below the picture of his mom said. “my momma’s got your back”. It was quite striking.

In parts two and three i’ll cover the backstory and rock opera story in more detail.

INTRO x2:
[A] [D] Ba ba ba [A] ba
[D] Ba ba ba [A] ba
[D]Ba ba ba ba ba ba[F#m] I’m sitting [E] in the sand [A] staring at my [D] shoe
[F#m] The birds they [E] sing tweet-tweet but [A] I don’t hear that [D] tune
[F#m] Sargeant [E] says something [A] close to my [D] face
Bells they [A] ring, [D] they ring and [A] ring [D]My daddy’s got you back
My mama’s got you back
My brother’s got you back

Hello Morpheus I think I’m going down
Ezekiel’s wheels spin I’m borne upon a throne
By Red Cross crusaders who wave from Galilee
Assyria, Samaria

My brother’s got you back
My sister’s got you back
My poppa’s got you back

REPEAT INTRO x2

The day we came home it was a shitty day
No ticker tape parade we rolled down Congress in the rain
And as we crossed across that Colorado bridge
The bats flew out darkened the sky

My brother’s got you back
My sister’s got you back
My poppa’s got you back

Living in a town on the big Rio bend
My case worker she’s always drunk and my wife don’t give a shit
I take a plane out to the province of Las Vegas
California, occupied, the Republic of California

My brother’s got you back
My sister’s got you back
My poppa’s got you back

REPEAT INTRO x4

(Child’s voice:)
I don’t wanna sing no more,
I just wanna dance!

23 Comments »

#22 I Ride My Bike-Cracker. The Inland Empire: A Love Story.

Posted in Camper Van Beethoven, Cracker, Johnny HIckman, Victor Krummenacher with tags Cracker, davey faragher, David Lowery, inland empire, Johnny Hickman, josef peters, redlands on August 6, 2010 by Dr. David C Lowery

I Ride My bike- Cracker

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Blatant Plug: Don’t forget to buy your Cracker/Camper Van Beethoven Campout Tickets. Only those that by advance tickets get the cool laminate. Sept 10th and 11th Pioneertown California in the fabulous Joshua Tree region of the Inland Empire. Cracker, Camper Van Beethoven, Gram Rabbit, The Bellrays, Miss Derringer, J Roddy Walston and the Business, McCabe and Mrs Miller, Ashley Raines, The Dangers, Jonathan Segel, Johnny Hickman, The Dangers and more.

Buy tickets here.

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In early 1992 shortly before we released the first Cracker record we went back to the Inland Empire to rehearse. Five of the key members of Camper Van Beethoven and Cracker were from the Inland Empire. John Hickman, Victor Krummenacher, Chris Molla, Davey Faragher and myself. In a way it’s the spiritual home of both bands. It was where we first learned to play where we started our first bands and it was where most of our families still lived.

The Inland Empire? Sounds exotic. Not really. I briefly described it in an earlier post. But let me go into a little more detail.

First the Inland Empire of California consists of the far eastern exurbs of Los Angeles, much of the Mojave Desert, the San Bernardino Mountains and the Coachella Valley. But what you really need to know is that the Inland Empire is to Los Angeles what New Jersey is to Manhattan. And it is held in the same contempt. The Inland Empire is not “The Valley” as in valley girls. The Valley is relatively affluent and sophisticated compared to the Inland Empire. From here on out we refer to this area as the locals do, it’s “The IE.”

The IE starts as you enter the San Bernardino valley. After the long hill on I-10 past Covina. The San Bernardino valley finished a poor third when the giant postwar migration to California began. The suburbs of the San Fernaando valley and the San Gabriel valley were preferred choices of eastern immigrants. They were also more expensive. The San Bernardino Valley was dry semi-desert and hot as hades in the summertime. Bucolic ranches, vineyards and citrus groves yes, but alongside industrial decay, steel mills, chemical plants, and the general detritus that surrounds all military installations. There were at least 7 military bases there when I was growing up in the early 70’s. So we got the poorer immigrants, the less affluent, a lot of southerners, and folks fleeing the driest coldest parts of the great plains.

You continue east on I-10 and around Colton you begin to hit the barrios, and you feel that you are now in The Borderland. That area that is neither the US nor Mexico. It covers a large areas of the southwest. Mostly along the border but it is not contiguous. So here even 100 miles north of the border there are pockets of The Borderland. (Borderlands is a real term used in Geopolitical theory i didn’t make it up)

Continue further east on I-10 and just as you go up into the San Jacinto pass you realize you have definitely left Los Angeles and are in The West. You might as well be in West Texas. The buttes, the steeply cut dry creekbeds, the chaparral, the brushy hillsides with horses and cows scattered in the distance. Same if you head north towards Las Vegas through the Cajon Pass.

This was a wonderfully weird place to grow up. It was a place in constant transition. But more importantly balkanized. One moment you were driving through an abandoned industrial site the next minute you would be in a beautiful orange grove. Fragrant and like an Eden with running water in the stone lined irrigation ditches. The ditches themselves ancient. Dug hundreds of years ago by the Spanish missionaries and the Indians.

You would exit the gates of Norton Airforce base and immediatel pass the row of strip clubs and bawdy drinking establishments, then old postwar cinderblock houses long in decay, now barrio and part of The Borderland, then suddenly more farmland ranchland and orchards. Here and there gleaming pockets of McMansions. They seemed to pop up overnight like mushrooms. The new residents seemed to always be peering warily over their fences at those of us who lived in the older decaying serttlements amongst the dying vines and orange trees.

Every once in a while a dying orchard would be bulldozed. Every day as young teens we stood and watched. Eventually the area was flattened into the neat outlines of streets and houses. The day the surveyors came and planted their flags was the moment for which we were waiting. For that evening after dark we would creep out of our neighborhoods and pull up the surveyors stakes. We didn’t know why. Something told us those were OUR groves and the surveying stakes only brought those that peered warily over their fences at us.

Our older brothers were more devious and cunning. They would carefully move the surveying stakes a foot or so. Wrecking the squares and rectangles. Leaving behind subtle trapezoids.

We lived in places like Okieville, Mentone, Greenspot, Crafton and East Highlands. The newcomers lived in developments like Rio Vista or Hacienda Heights. They came from Los Angeles and Orange County. We came from dull and poor towns in the Midwest and South.

There were constant booms and busts. I remember at least four times my parents modest lower middle class neighborhood suddenly emptying out. The cul de sacs dotted with overgrown lawns and bank repossession signs. In the late 70’s a new development up the road failed and entire cul de sacs were empty. But it was nothing new. It’d been going on for centuries.

The Cahuilla and Serrano came and failed. The Spanish missionaries the Mexican ranchers came and failed. Then came the Mormons who settled this area, prospered for a time and then suddenly abandoned this godforsaken place. Railroads came and failed. The steel mills came and failed. the defense companies came and then failed. Even the military bases. But each wave left a few people behind. Generally the weakest and the misfits. And this created a strange patchwork, a balkanized country.

No one is from the IE. Your family came here usually to escape something. To erase the past and start anew. To quote Joan Didion:

“Here is the last stop for all those who come from somewhere else. For all those who drifted away from the cold and the past and the old ways”

(Curiously that quote I just found is in a book of her essays titled “Slouching towards Bethlehem” also a quote from The Second Coming)

The weather here is brutal. It’s not uncommon to have temperatures in the summer of 110 or 115 degrees. In the fall and winter brutal and strangely warm Santa Ana winds whip down through the passes at 70 miles an hour. It is a startling experience the first time it blasts you in the face. From may through september the mountains lock in the smog and dust from Los Angeles. The sky and the land are often grey and a horizon can’t often be distinguished. And then there are the terrifying wildfires. They would often blacken the sky so it was like night in the middle of the day. A snowstorm of ash would cover the cars and sidewalks.

Pretty gim right? Not really it was a fun and diverse place to grow up. We rode bikes on the empty roads and abandoned places. Skateboarded in abandoned pools and reservoirs. We shot bb guns in the citrus groves or chased the wild peacocks through the chaparral. I kissed a Mexican girl under a backyard trellis’ of bougainvilleas climbing roses, another I met secretly at night along the eucalyptus windbreaks that demarcated the ancient settlements. Yes even the plants were immigrants, and balkanized.

And it seemed that a curiously high percentage of us played music. Sometimes at night from my bedroom I could hear two or three competing bands. There was the Tex-Mex/Norteña (or Conjunto) band a block to the north. A latin rock ensemble to the west and 2 doors down a Steely Dan knockoff.

*********************************

In an earlier post I mentinoned the blog Rock Prosopography 101. One of the writers of that blog has a theory that there is an inverse relationship between the vitality of a music scene and property values. In other words cheaper towns and suburban areas produce more bands and musicians (as long as they don’t become outright ghetto).

In my experience this is very true. For when we were young teenagers and we wanted to start playing electric guitars and drum sets, we would just set up in the garage, or the family room of some sprawling rancher and play. If our family didn’t tolerate us, there was always some old barn, empty storefront or farmhouse that some kind adult would let us use. As we got older and more serious we often rented little spaces. They became our little clubhouses. One was the unused office at the front of an industrial park $50 a month in 1980. Another was the old waiting room at an unused train station. I think we payed $75 dollars a month for that one 1982. And then there was always the older brother or stoner friends that had the little farm cottages in one of the semi rural areas like Devore or San Timeteo Canyon. you could stage a full on PA and blast away like you were Led Zeppelin. Johnnys band actually rented and practiced in an old bar deep in the barrio in Riverside. They also put on their own underground shows their and a lot of the time the drummer lived there.

When I went away to college in Santa Cruz I realized what a great advantage this had been for me. I had many cool friends. I wanted to play music with some of them cause they had such advanced tastes. But they were always much less experienced than I. These folks had grown up in places like San Francisco, New York City or Boston. They just hadn’t had their hands on the equipment very often. So when the CVB guys came to Santa Cruz we were more experienced than our peers and this seemed to give us an advantage. (Jonathan segel grew up in Davis in the central valley and had the same advantage we did). I also get the sense that the IE produced a fair number of hollywood studio “cats”. I mean just check the discography of two guys that went to my high school John Jorgensen and Davey Faragher.

So looping all the way back to the beginning of the story. Davey Faragher, Johnny Hickman, Josef Peters and I decided that we would meet up before some Cracker tour and rehearse for a couple days in Redlands CA in the IE. And this is the way we did it in the IE: We didn’t rent a rehearsal space. There weren’t any. We just called around until Johnnys brothers found some friends who had a little house out in the old sheep pastures. They were just your usual Southern California Heschers*. Rockers of no real denomination. Pot-heads, harmless ne’re do wells. We could rehearse in their converted garage/ party room as long as their friends got to come over and party and listen. Mind you these rehearsals were in the middle of the day. We spent a day refreshing the songs from the album. The second day we got into this trippy jam. I mean it had a couple really good guitar riffs and chord progressions the kind that made a traditional punk song. But then we kept trying to get it to explode into this freak out middle sections. Punk rock riffage into a 1969 bad acid biker jam. It wasn’t the window pane acid jam. It was the shitty stuff that came later. the stuff cut with speed. Angrier. Post-Altamont. And at some point we nailed it. We walked outside into the bright December or January sunlight, the grass was impossibly green. ( In the IE our grass is green in the winter). A couple of the Hescher dudes followed us out “Dude that shit was trippy”. Yeah it was. It was the song I Ride My Bike.

And that’s the Inland Empire. And that’s the story of I Ride My Bike. Almost. I forgot the most important part of the story.

In the IE we also rode motorcycles. Small on off road bikes. Yamaha and Honda 250 four strokes. They were ubiquitous and everywhere. It was part of the fabric of everyday life. There was nothing like riding one of these bikes through the narrow orchard roads late at night. Especially in the summer when the only cool air in the entire IE was trapped in those groves. It was liberating. Especially half buzzed. That is what this song is about. A simple incantation to take me back to this time. “I ride my bike, I drive my car take me back to you” The rest of the song isn’t really intended to describe that place and time. But to just evokes the general feeling. A feeling and an energy I associate with that place.

*Heschers are sort of surburban white trash but also rockers. Despite what urban dictionaries say I believe it was a slang word originated by a small group of punkers in the IE. And i may be able to prove it. It believe it to be a mispronunciation of our word “Hessian”but this is for another post.

[INTRO & BREAK:]
[Em]–[F#m]–[G]–[D]
[Em]–[F#m]–[G]–[D]
[Em]–[F#m]–[G]–[D]
[Em]–[F#m]–[G]–[D][REPEAT BREAK]

VERSE 1:
[Em] And I [F#m] ride my [G] bike [D]
[Em] And I [F#m] drive my [G] car [D]
[Em] I drive it [F#m] all a-[G]-round just to [D] take me back to [Em] you [F#m]–[G]–[D]

VERSE2:
[Em] And I [F#m] comb my [G] hair [D]
[Em] And I [F#m] wear a [G] dress [D]
[Em] I wear it [F#m] all a-[G]-round just to [D] take me back to [Em] you

CHORUS:
I ride my [A] bike, [G] take me [D] back to [Em] you
I drive my [A] car, [G] take me [D] back to [Em] you
[Bm] I ride my [F#m] bike, [C] I drive my [G] car, [D] take me to [Em] you
[Bm] I ride my [F#m] bike, [C] I drive my [G] car, [D] take me to [Em] you

REPEAT BREAK

REPEAT VERSES 1 & 2

REPEAT CHORUS
[Bm] I ride my [F#m] bike, [C] I drive my [G] car, [D] take me to [Em] you

[MIDDLE SECTION:]
[Em(Em+6 and Em7 embellishments) throughout]
This is a story about a dog, a dog
When I ride my bike
And my hair is blowing straight back
I think of you wearing that brown mohair sweater
Soft mounds of breasts underneath
Or better yet one of those spindly aluminum lawn chairs
I’m putting sun tan lotion on your long legs
A-wearing a broad rim straw hat
Pair of Mickey mouse sunglasses
Looking just like lolita
Looking just like lolita
White sheets hanging on the line
White sheets blowing in the wind
A satellite dish pointed straight up at the heavens

[G]–[A]–[C]
[Em] A satellite dish pointing stright up at the [G] heavens, Isis![A] (Isis) [C] (Isis)

[Em] Isis! [G] Isis! [A] (Isis) [C] (Isis)
[Em] (Isis) [G] Isis! [A] Isis! [C] Isis!

[Em] Isis! [G] Isis! [A] Isis![C] Isis!
[Em] Oh yeah! (Isis) [G] arrrrrrrrrr
[G#]–[A]–[A#]–[B]–[C]–[C#]–[G]–[C#]–[Eb]–[E]–[Eb]–[C]–[Eb]–[E]–[(random sliding bar chords above 12th fret)][(FADES INTO:)]
[E]

[Bm] I ride my [F#m] bike, [C] I drive my [G] car, [D] take me back to [Em] you X4

46 Comments »

300 Songs

Archive for the Camper Van Beethoven Category

#32 Poor Mexico so far from God; So Close to Camper Van Beethoven

#31 Brides of Neptune-Cracker. Did the ferry sink? Is this the underworld? Or is it just another gig in Victoria BC.

#30 New Roman Times Album part 6: We Would Fight For Hippy Chix.

#29 New Roman Times part 5: I Hate this Part of Texas.

#28 New Roman Times part 4: Unabomber as Folk Hero. Steve Reich as Pop Star

#27 New Roman Times. Part 3. Start smoking weed now cause by the time you get to the end of this one you need to be really high to understand it.

#26- New Roman Times Album- Camper Van Beethoven Pt 2.

# 25 New Roman Times-Camper Van Beethoven. Part 1 The Republic of California vs The Republic of Texas.

#22 I Ride My Bike-Cracker. The Inland Empire: A Love Story.

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